I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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