she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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