I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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