the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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