I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
