I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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