I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
