it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
