yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
