A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
