mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
