Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
