Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
