I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
