Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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