i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
