just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
