Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
