Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My pussy is not your playground.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
