Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
