you have to choose: penises or morals?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
