By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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