You just made me feel so damn special
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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