I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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