Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
