She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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