from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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