True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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