I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
