Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
