you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
