I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
