the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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