Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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