I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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