I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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