So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
and she was petting her beer can
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
