Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
