so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
