Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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