I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
