are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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