Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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