Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
