I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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