That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
