I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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