btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
