I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
