I think scott just propositioned me for sex
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
